Saturn
by you'lllovemeandI'll loveyou
Summary: He chose her, now I'm trying to figure out how to live my life without him. But when everything falls apart will he come back?
1. Somebody That I Used To Know

Saturn

After Brooke comes back from vacation she sees how close Lucas and Peyton are and gives Lucas an ultimatum, they can get back together, but he has to break off all contact with Peyton. Otherwise there's no future with him. Lucas, thinking that Peyton will have Haley and Nathan stupidly agrees.

I am not a Brooke Hater, this will not be a story where Brooke is a complete villain, she has her flaws and insecurities and she lets them get the better of her. No one is perfect.

Chapter 1

….

(Lucas's POV)

It had been 8 weeks, 56 days since I had last spoken to Peyton Sawyer. I hated myself for cutting her out of my life, people always leave. That was her motto and I had just proven it to her. But I wanted to make things work with Brooke and she only asked this of me. We were going good now, regular date nights and while we hadn't been intimate again we were both happy.

Haley had given me an earful when she found out what I had done, Peyton hadn't told anyone but when she came to school with red eyes Haley guessed I had done something and the truth came out. She had to talk Nathan out of beating the shit out of me. She didn't support my decision at all and if Peyton was around she'd go and sit with her to make a point of it.

Peyton still would look me in the eyes, I didn't realise how badly this would affect her. She was skinnier now, which is something I never thought was possible. She didn't smile as much and I can't remember the last time I heard her laugh. There were also rumours that a few girls were harassing her and she didn't seem to care.

I heard what happened with her mother, she met her birth mother but she was dying of cancer. I wanted to go and comfort her, this couldn't be easy especially considering her adoptive mum died in a car accident when she was younger. But I knew that Brooke would have my head so I stayed away, Haley giving me a disappointed look when she told me found Peyton crying in the bathroom one day.

"Her mum is dying Lucas! How can you be such a jackass?" She cried out, slapping my arm

"You don't understand Haley; Brooke would kill me!" I try to explain to her but she's hearing none of it.

"The Lucas Scott I know would never let his friend go through something like this alone. I'm disappointed in you Luke" she said storming off.

Later that day I tried to bring it up with Brooke, she immediately tensed up and scowled when I mentioned Peyton's name.

'Why are we talking about her Lucas? She's not either of our responsibilities, she has Haley and Nathan she'll be fine" she says confidently.

I nod, frozen to do anything else. I just hoped she was right and that Peyton would be okay.

….

(Peyton's POV)

Another day, another day of not talking to Lucas. _I would not cry. I was not going to cry today_ I told myself as I saw him ignore me in the hall and walk off with Brooke, his arm around her shoulders. I was done crying over him. I would go back to being the Peyton who never relied on anyone, the spitfire whose words were laced with venom and who didn't need anyone to save her because people always leave right?

I felt my phone buzz and pulled it out, Ellie had texted about me coming over tonight, we were going to listen to some music and watch some movies. My dad was away so it wasn't like I had to check with anyone.

I sent back a reply and threw my bag over my shoulder, dragging myself to my first class, English. With Haley. And Lucas. Great. I sat in a table at the far back and pull out my English book and began to doodle as he talked about Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. Of course we were currently studying a play about star crossed lovers.

I began to draw a picture of a woman being pulled down in the ocean by a weight attached to her ankle, on the bottom I scribbled _Love is Weakness_ _._ I must have zones out in my drawing because all of a sudden the teacher was calling out my name and everyone's eyes were on me.

"Peyton? I was just asking what your thought about the play" he asked

"I hate it" I say crossing my arms over my chest and leaning back in my chair as a few of the bitches that have been giving me crap the last few weeks sniggered.

The teacher seemed surprised, obviously most of his students were fans of the play "Well you are one of the very few who have admitted that in my class, why do you hate it?"

I sighed, sitting back up. I hated being put on the spot "Because it's stupid, they fell in love and ruined so many lives because of it and for what? They die in the end. They fell in love and in the end that was their downfall"

A few of the girls laugh and I roll my eyes, the teacher seems a little shocked but continues on with the class and I go back to my drawing. When the bell goes off I quickly pack up and rush off, I know Haley will want to talk about what happened in the classroom.

The rest of the day goes pretty uneventfully, my locker is graffitied again with the word WHORE and I end up eating lunch alone outside by the benches, my music blaring in my ears as I fiddle with my sandwich.

I rushed out of school the second the bell goes and drive over to Ellie's house, I pull up outside and carry a bunch of records I wanted to show her to the door. There is music playing and the door is unlocked so I go inside.

"Ellie? It's me! The door was open so I came in" I shouted, there was no reply and I made my way to the lounge room where the music was playing, maybe she didn't hear me.

"Ellie I brought over some records that you have to listen….to" I trail off when I enter the room, she's on the couch. Her eyes are closed and she's pale, one hand hanging over the side of the couch. I know that she's gone and I crumple to the floor, the records hitting the floor as I cry out for my dead mother. I cover my mouth with my hands to try and stifle the screams coming out before slowly crawling over to the couch.

I pull out my phone and call for an ambulance, I know there's no point but I do it anyway and then I sit with my mother's body as I wait for them to arrive.

"Ellie…. oh god _Ellie!_ No!" I sob as I smooth out her hair and try to stop crying, as I hear the ambulance pull up I press a kiss to her forehead "Goodbye… Mum"

They take her away, ask me if I want to go with them but I refuse. I just want to go home and pretend this isn't happening, plus I hate being in hospitals. After I talk to the police I drive back to my house and immediately jump in the shower, scrubbing my skin raw and trying to get the smell of death off of me. Why did everyone die on me?

After I was dry and in my pyjamas I crawl into bed, desperate to let sleep overcome me and take away all the pain from today.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


	2. Apologize

Saturn

Chapter 2

(I don't own OTH)

Okay so some reviews have said that I've made Brooke too OOC, she's meant to be. I'm taking a spin on what happens in the series. Some of the same things will same happen (for example Ellie dying). Brooke is a very complicated character, she sees how close they are and it makes her feel threated and insecure. Unfortunately, she lets it get the better of her. It's not complete black and white and later on in the story it will be further explored. I don't hate Brooke and Peyton is not playing the victim. Rant over, enjoy this chapter.

….

Peyton's POV

I let out a heavy sigh as I parked my car in the school carpark, I had told the school I wouldn't be in for the week following Ellie's death and today was my first day back. There was no funeral, Ellie never wanted one. Instead she asked to be cremated and her ashes scattered somewhere meaningful. I had yet to find the perfect place so her ashes were in a jar on my desk in my room.

As I made my way into the school I could feel everyone's eyes on me, I knew that by now that gossip about Ellie would have made its way around the school and I kept my head down, doing my best to ignore it. As I made my way to my locker I noticed more graffiti on it, I thought it was say WHORE or SKANK like it usually did but this time the words MOTHER KILLER were sprayed in red paint.

A pang went through my chest as I read it and tears welled up in my eyes. I slammed the door open and shoved everything into my bag angrily, I could feel a hand on my back and I whipped around ready to unleash on whoever was going to give me shit, today of all days.

Haley was there, with Nathan and the both gave me sympathetic looks. "I'm so sorry" she said enveloping me in a hug. Nathan put his arms around the both of us and despite how uncomfortable it made me, I let them. I needed the few people I had left in this world close.

The bell goes and Haley and I head to English, she sits in front of me and gives my hand a squeeze as we sit down. The class starts and we are still studying Romeo and Juliet, we get to the part where they die and I feel something hit the side of my head. I look to the ground and there is a scrunch up piece of paper, I open it and it reads.

 _Maybe you should warn Haley and Nathan, seeing how everyone who loves you dies! Maybe you should just do everyone a favour and kill yourself before you cause any more pain._

I didn't realise I was crying until tears began to splash on the crumpled paper, I quickly shoved everything in my bag and rushed out of class, swallowing down the sobs that were rising up in me. I went to my car and pulled my keys out ready to leave the school and I noticed that one of my tires was slashed. I let out a cry and kicked the tire in frustration, swearing loudly as I chucked my bag to the ground and banged my fists against my car.

"God Damnit!" I shouted kicking the tire again and crumpling to the ground in a heap, I sob so hard I think I might choke, shaking on the ground as I gasp for air. I can feel the gravel digging into my hands and knees as I grip onto the ground, desperately trying to keep myself up. My lungs feel as if they are going to burst, like someone has their arms around my chest and is squeezing. My eyes burn furiously as I weep, my makeup no doubt halfway down my face by now.

As if God was trying to prove a bad day could always get worse, it starts to rain. I can't be bothered to try and find an umbrella or go find shelter, instead I stay of the ground, crying. At least this way, through the rain no one can see my tears.

I hear someone coming up behind me, Haley, probably coming to check on me. I wipe my eyes with my palms and sniff, not ready to turn around and see her pitying looks.

"I'm fine Haley" I croak, my throat hoarse and thick from crying.

"It's not Haley" Lucas's voice says from behind me.

I freeze, tensing up under the harsh rain and slowly turn to look at him. This is the first time we've talked in months "W-What do you want?" I mentally curse at how frail I sound.

"I wanted to see if you were okay, I heard about Ellie. I'm so sorry" he says coming closer. I flinch, moving away on the ground.

"Don't say her name" I snapped, getting off the ground.

"Peyton I-"

I cut him off "No! Don't you ever say her name! You didn't know her! You had no idea who she was! She was the one who came over when my dad said he'd be gone for another 3 months. She's the one who stayed up with me when I couldn't stop crying after YOU broke my heart! She was my mother...S-she was my mum" I could feel the tears pricking my eyes again and I wiped them away with the back of my hand.

He came forward, as if to comfort me and I lost it, shoving him away from me "No don't you touch me! Don't you dare. You left me! You left me and I needed you! I was alone! I was alone and I needed you and you cut me out of your life and ignored me for _months!"_

I sniff, keeping the tears at bay and choking back the cries that were desperate to get out "And now what? Now that something awful has happened you think you can just swoop in and save me? You don't get to do that anymore! Just stay the hell away from me Lucas" I spat, getting in my car and leaving him there in the carpark in the rain, the stunned look still on his face when I drove off.


	3. Big Girls Cry

Saturn

Chapter 3

…

Over the next few weeks Peyton withdrew even more, the only people she would talk to were Haley and Nathan and everyone else got a piercing glare.

She wasn't coping very well with Ellie's death, she took to drinking at night to help her sleep and Haley had noticed the scars on her forearms. She was losing herself to the pain and Haley had no idea on how to get through to her.

Lucas was usually the one most close to Peyton but he wasn't an option anymore and Haley so badly wanted to strangle him for putting her through even more pain. She had suspected that the curly blonde still had feelings for Lucas and Peyton's reaction to Lucas choosing Brooke over her had pretty much confirmed it.

It was 5th period, history and Peyton and Haley were walking together to class, she noticed that Peyton had stopped walking and turned around "You alright Peyt?" she asked

Peyton's face was passive, not a hint of emotion on her face but Haley could see behind the hardened look in her eyes. She could see the pain and when she turned to see what Peyton was looking at she understood.

Brooke and Lucas were standing by the lockers, wrapped in each other's embrace, she reached out to touch Peyton's arm "Peyton…" she started but she quickly shrugged it off and stormed off down the corridor, walking straight past their classroom.

Haley sighed, it wasn't unusual for Peyton to skip classes nowadays. She noticed that Lucas had pulled away from Brooke long enough to see Peyton walk off and if she wasn't mistaken she could see a hint of worry and guilt in his eyes.

She sighed again, walking to her classroom.

…

Peyton went to the back of the school, by the bleachers and pulled out the bottle of vodka she kept in her bag. She took a long swig, ignoring the burn it made as it went down her throat. She liked the burn, it helped her feel something amongst all of this numbness.

She felt the tiny vial of cocaine in her jacket pocket, turning it in her long fingers. It would be so easy to just give in and take the drug, let it take her away from the nightmare her life had become but no matter how badly she hurt she couldn't find it in herself to take it. She didn't want to dishonour Ellie's memory by resorting to drugs.

Instead she took another swig of her drink, letting it distract her.

…..

She never went back to class, instead choosing to walk home rather than risk drinking and driving. She'd get her car tomorrow or call Nathan and ask him to. She shivered, pulling her jacket closer around her as the wind whipped at her cheeks.

She heard a car coming up behind her, the driver honking their horn and turned around. She'd recognize Lucas's car anywhere. She glared as he stuck his head out of the window.

"What do you want?" she spits out

"Just let me give you a lift home, you're going to get sick" he says gesturing for her to get in the car.

She's about to tell him to go to hell when of course it starts to rain, with a groan she trudges to the car and gets in, pushing herself as far up against the door as she can. They're almost at her house when he decides to speak.

"You weren't in class this afternoon"

"Decided I needed a break" she says, not wanting to talk about it.

He notices the familiar smell of alcohol and inwardly swears, "You've been drinking? Really Peyton, at school?"

"Fuck you Lucas, you don't get to judge me on how I handle things" she snaps, desperately wanting the car trip to be over.

"Don't you see how dangerous that is? What if you got caught? You'd get expelled Peyton! Do you really think that this is what Ellie would have wanted for you?"

"You don't know what you're fucking talking about, you didn't even know Ellie"

"I know that she loved you, that this, what you're doing is not how she would have wanted you to grieve"

"What the hell do you know about grieving Lucas? You've got your mum, Keith, you've got Haley and Nathan and your precious Brooke. You don't know the first thing about what it's like to lose someone you care about" Peyton spits out, venom lacing her voice

"I lost you" he says quietly as he stops in front of her house

"Don't, don't do that. Don't try and make me feel sorry for you when you're the one who did this Lucas. You're the one who cut me out of your life not the other way around"

"I know and I'm sor-"

"Stop saying you're sorry! I-I don't want to hear it! Just stop saying you're sorry and stop giving me lifts home and stop _looking_ at me like that! It's not fair Lucas, to me or to Brooke" Peyton says, getting out of the car and slamming the door

She ignores him as he yells out her name and rushes inside, locking herself in and sliding to the floor, tears enveloping her again.


	4. Who Knew?

Saturn

Chapter 4

…..

I woke up in a stranger's bed, bottles clinking on the bed as I sat up, wrapping the dirty blanket around my thin body. Another bender, another night of meaningless sex with a stranger after having copious amounts of alcohol. I groaned, rubbing my eyes as my head pounded, grabbing my clothes from the floor as I dragged myself out of bed.

I quickly got dressed, not bothering to wake the guy asleep on the other side of the bed or leave a note, I never did. I quickly took a couple of Panadol from my bag and made my way to school, putting on some sunglasses to cover up my red eyes. Haley was waiting at my locker when I arrived, obviously trying to wipe something off the front of it. I sighed and made my way to my locker, the word SLUT emblazoned on the front.

"Just a typical Thursday then?" I say as I make my way through and open my locker, grabbing my books for the day.

"I tried ringing you last night, got your voicemail like 7 times" Haley says as I shut my locker again.

"Sorry, I was out" We begin to make our way to our first class, English and I can feel Haley's eyes on me, studying me.

I turn to her, stopping in the hallway "What?"

She reaches up and pulls off my sunglasses, groaning as she sees my bloodshot eyes "You're hungover?! At school?"

"Drop it Haley"

"No, I can't 'drop it'. I can't just stand by and watch you do this to yourself!"

"I'm fine!" I shout indignantly, catching the attention of a few students

"No, you're not Peyton. And I don't want to come in to school one day and hear that you're in the hospital or find you lying dead somewhere! I can't keep watching you do this"

"Then stop! You wouldn't be the first person to abandon me, you certainly won't be the last"

"Well maybe people would stop leaving if you stopped acting like such a bitch!"

I tense up like she's just slapped me, she might as well have. It probably would have hurt less, I swallow, a lump in my throat forming as try to avoid eye contact with her. I can hear a few whispers from around us, a few laughs and one stupid freshman muttering "catfight". Out of the corner of my eye I can see Brooke and Lucas, standing on the sidelines as I destroy another relationship.

"You know what?" I mutter "You're right. I've been a total bitch. I'm sorry to have been such a burden Haley, I'll take it off your shoulders now" I say as I push my way out of the crowd.

/

I became a hell of a lot stronger after that, my skin turning from porcelain to steel and my walls higher than ever. I didn't really mind being alone, it meant that I never had to fake being happy for anyone and I never had to talk about how I was 'feeling'.

Nate had tried calling me a few times since the fight but I ignored him, he'd probably leave soon enough anyway, why wait till then?

I was no longer the weepy, fucked up cheerleader with two dead mothers. No, I was stronger than that now, choosing to ignore every judgemental look at school and focus on getting the fuck out of here.

I spent most of my nights either out getting hammered or staying home, avoiding any high school parties as I had no desire to be looked down on for the entire night.

I ground out my cigarette under my old leather boot and sighed heavily before making my way into school, daring anyone to look at me the wrong way. My locker was emblazoned with the usual graffiti but I just ignored it and pulled out the books I needed.

I managed to get through my first four classes without any fuss, staying silent in the back of the classroom as I drew. And then in lunch something surprising happened, Brooke spoke to me for the first time in months. She had someone found out where I was now spending lunch and cornered me.

"You know this isn't going to work? This whole 'damsel in distress' act you have going on, it's going to bring Lucas back" she snipes

I roll my eyes, flinging my used cigarette under my boot "No offense Brooke but I really couldn't give a fuck about you and Lucas. Go satisfy your ego complex somewhere else"

"You know maybe it's for the best that you're all alone now, I mean look what happened to your mums. Everyone who loves you seems to die"

My hand hits her face before I even realise I'm standing up, a loud smack echoing as she stumbles backward, clutching her face.

"You know what's funny? I wanted so bad for us to be friends again, now… you're nothing. You are nothing Brooke Davis" I spit out, grabbing my bag and storming off.

Little did I know someone had been filming us.

In my 6th period Math class I was called up to the principal's office, Brooke sat in one chair, a purple bruise growing across her cheekbone.

"Sit down Ms Sawyer" Principal Turner says in a stern voice.

I sigh, sitting down in the chair next to Brooke, refusing to make eye contact with her.

"Now, a student has come forward with a tape showing you hitting Ms Davis over here across the face, it also shows you smoking on school property which you know is forbidden"

I scoff "Really, you got one of your lackeys to film us? Show everyone how poor little Brooke was attacked by vicious, crazy Peyton"

"You're the one saying it not me" She sneers and I feel like jumping off this chair and pulling her hair.

"Why you sad, insecure little bitch!" I shout.

"Language Ms Sawyer!" Principal Turner scolds, a furious look on his face "I know that you have been having a hard couple of months Peyton but this type of behaviour cannot be excused. You are suspended for three weeks, banned from doing any extracurricular activities for the rest of the semester and I'm going to call your father"

"You know what? Fine" I say, getting up from the chair "Suspend me, what do I care? I doubt this year could get any worse anyway" I say leaving the room.

Lucas is waiting outside the office, Brooke's books in his arms along with his own. Typical Brooke, can't carry a single book lest she break a nail.

"What's going on?" he asks as I step out.

I shake my head "Just the usual, punched your girlfriend, got suspended. Don't worry I'm sure one of Brooke's little minions will have posted it on YouTube by now"

He doesn't try to stop me as I walk away, the door opening again and Brooke's raspy voice filtering through the air.

"Oh Lucas! I'm so glad you're here"

I manage a quick glance over my shoulder and see Brooke wrapped around Lucas like a boa constrictor. Our eyes meet for a second and I manage a small smile before I turn the corner, leaving them in the empty hallway.


	5. Breathe Me

Saturn

Chapter 5

…

"I'm sorry Peyton, I know I was supposed to come home next month but they've asked if I can stay another four and its good money. I love you honey"

I sigh, listening to the voicemail my dad had left on my phone. Another four months alone in this giant house. Well at least this meant I could drink without having to hide it from anyone.

I pour myself a drink as I pull out my sketch book and begin to draw, I find myself drawing a photograph that used to hang in my bedroom. It was the last time we were all together before last summer, Lucas, Brooke and I had posed for a photo, arms wrapped each other's shoulders and big smiles on our faces. My chest aches as I finish the drawing and I pour myself another drink, desperate to get rid of the feeling.

I go into the kitchen to grab another bottle of wine when my eyes meet the knife rack on the counter, I hesitantly reach out and pull out a knife, slowly raising it to my arm. I quickly pull it across, my arm stinging instantly. But then I realise I can't feel the ache in my chest anymore. I slice my arms a few more times before rinsing it under the tap, pressing a towel against them to stop the bleeding. I go upstairs and apply a bandage before going into my room and falling asleep, my arm aching as I drift off.

…..

As I was now suspended I wasn't forced to attend the hell was high school for another three weeks, I spent most days drawing, listening to music or drinking. I was forced to go out after four days when I ran out of food so I made my way into town, grabbing some things at the local supermarket.

I was browsing the candy section when I heard some familiar voices from the next aisle.

"Lucas, crinkled cut or normal chips?"

"Does it really matter Brooke?"

"Of course, it matters! Everyone in our year is coming to this party!"

I rolled my eyes and made my way further down the aisle, not wanting to hear any more about a party that I wasn't invited to.

"Brooke I'm going to check out the candy okay?"

I froze, I was in the middle of the aisle so it would be almost impossible to escape before he saw me, I still tried to make a run for it, freezing when I heard him call out my name.

I inwardly swore and turned around, awkwardly waving "Hey"

He looks at my basket of junk food "Stocking up?"

"No food in the house" I say shrugging

He looks down to his own basket which is full of soft drink and chips "Uh… are you coming tonight?'

"I didn't know there was anything to come to" I say awkwardly.

He flushes slightly, a slightly guilty look on his face "Oh… well you should come anyway. It's at the beach, there's going to be drinks, a bonfire"

Not wanting to be rude despite how uncomfortable I felt I gave him a half smile "Maybe, I'll see"

He smiles before turning back, Brooke's voice filtering through the air. I take that as my cue to go and awkwardly wave before turning to leave.

When I get home, I look through my drawers, seeing if I had any clothes that were 'party appropriate'. I pull out some black jeans with a red shirt and Ellie's jacket in case it gets cold. I don't bother to put on much makeup or do my hair, letting it stay natural. Once I'm ready I grab a bottle of vodka from the cupboard to bring along and make my way to the beach. There's already a ton of people swarming the beach so I hopefully won't be noticed.

I make my way down, placing my bottle down on the drinks table and grabbing myself a drink, I go to sit by the edge of the shore just by the bonfire and watch as the waves roll in and out. Soon I'm joined by someone sitting down on the sand beside me.

"I'm glad you came" Lucas says with a smile.

"yeah well, I've been in the house all week. I needed to get out" I say, keeping my eyes looking ahead.

"I'm not mad, about you hitting Brooke. I saw the video, she was completely out of line"

I turn, raising an eyebrow "Did you seriously just condone me punching your girlfriend?" I chuckle for what feels like the first time in months. Maybe it has been.

"Yeah well, she's been really horrible lately, she needs to be taken down a notch or two" he says, fidgeting with the plastic cup in his hand "I'm really sorry for all of this Peyt"

"Lucas…" I sigh, looking down

"No, I mean it. It's my fault, all of it"

"It's not going to be that easy, I can't forgive you Luke. Not yet. You completely destroyed me, I let you in and you left. Just like everyone else. Do you have any idea what that felt like?"

"I know, and I hate myself for doing that but I need you to know how sorry I am, that I wish I could take it all back"

"I want to believe you Lucas, I do but…. I just can't. too much has happened, I'm too broken now"

"Is that why you do that to yourself?" he says, gesturing to the cuts on my arm. I quickly pull my jacket on, covering my arms "I want to help you Peyton"

"You can't"

"Just let me try, please"

"What about Brooke?"

As if she had heard her name being uttered she appeared out of nowhere, calling out Lucas's name in anger as she spotted me by his side.

"Lucas! What the hell are you doing?"

"We're just talking Brooke"

"I'm sure" she sneers, turning to me "What the hell are you even doing here? I didn't invite you"

"I invited her Brooke" Lucas speaks up and she turns to him, obviously furious.

"How could you invite that slut Lucas? She's practically slept with half the town, always getting drunk, she's probably back on drugs again"

"You know what? I don't need this, thanks for the invite Lucas" I say, grabbing my bag and making my way off the beach. An arm pulls me around and a hand backhands me across the face, sending me almost tumbling to the ground.

"Where do you think you're going, you bitch?" Brooke sneers "Nobody wants you here Peyton"

I glance around, clutching my face and I spot Haley and Nathan standing off on the side. They make no move to intervene and a couple of kids jeer from the sidelines.

"You always ruin everything Peyton, I'm embarrassed to have ever called you my friend, you're pathetic"

I can't listen to any more of this and push my way through the crowds of laughing students, making my way to my car. I drive home, silently crying the whole way and make my way upstairs as soon as I get inside.

I go over to my desk and grab all the picture I had of Brooke, everything from our friendship and throw it to the ground, screaming out in anguish. Still crying I grab some painkillers from my bathroom and go back into my room, counting out twenty of them in my palm.

I don't bother leaving a note, I doubt that anyone would find this surprising. I quickly swallow the pills with some leftover wine in my room and sit down by my bed. Eventually I start to feel sleepy, my eyes drooping shut as I lie down on my floor.

…..

Lucas's POV

I watch as Peyton rushes off the beach and turn back to Brooke, disgusted with her for how treated the girl who she used to call her best friend.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I shout and she flinches, as if surprised I wasn't taking her stride.

"What the hell is wrong with me? What the hell is wrong with you? How could you invited her Lucas? You agreed to this, you _chose_ me" She yells

"Yeah and it seems to be the worst decision I've ever made. Her mother died, her father is overseas and she's pretty much all alone and you still harass and humiliate her? I don't even recognise you anymore!" I say turning away to leave.

"Lucas if you leave we're done. Do you hear me? I'm not going to stand back and lose you to her again" She calls out, I turn, giving her one more withering look.

"You already lost me Brooke, and not because of her or anything she did. Because of you, you're the one who ruined anything… Maybe you should think about that"

With that I leave, ignoring Haley and Nathan as they try to talk to me. They'd just stood there, watching it happen. I was almost as mad at them as I was at myself.

I drive over to Peyton's house, the whole way over trying to thinking of ways to apologise for everything. When I get there, I try knocking but unsurprisingly she doesn't answer.

"Peyton!" I shout, hoping she can hear me "Please just open up, I want to apologise. Brooke was out of line"

The house stays silent so I try ringing her mobile, I can hear it echoing throughout the house but she never answers. I try her door again, pushing against it slightly and shocked to find it unlocked. I enter the house calling out for Peyton so she knows I'm here.

"Please Peyt I just want to talk. Please just come down here, I'm not leaving until you do" I say, standing at the bottom of her staircase.

She stays silent so I make my way upstairs, knocking on her door before opening it "Peyton?" I say looking around, I can't see her so I try ringing her again but her ringtone echoes throughout her room. I follow the sound, going over to the other side of her bed and find her unconscious on the floor, pill bottles next to her.

"Oh god! Oh god Peyton!" I say falling to the floor beside her, I turn her onto her back, lightly slapping her cheeks to try and rouse her "Peyton? Peyton open your eyes, c'mon wake up Peyt" I say as I fumble around on my phone, ringing for an ambulance.

"Hello? I need an ambulance, m-my friend…she tried to kill herself. She's taken a bunch of pills" I stammer into the phone, giving them her address and checking on Peyton. To my horror, I find that she's not breathing. I lay my phone next to me, putting it on loud speaker as I begin CPR, literally breathing for Peyton.

Soon the ambulance arrives and the paramedics take over, intubating her and pumping air into her lungs with a bag. I watch as they rush out numbly sitting on the floor, I stay in that position for about an hour before I get a call from Karen, saying that because Peyton's father's away the hospital had called her as an emergency contact. I tell her where I am and let her come pick me up, taking me over to the hospital.

We wait for over seven hour before a doctor comes out, a grim look on his face.

It's not good news.


	6. Hold On

Saturn

Chapter 6

….

Lucas's POV

Hypoxia.

That's what the doctor said, that her brain was deprived of oxygen and because of that she had slipped into a coma. She was on life support, machines literally breathing for her through a tube down her throat, hissing as it pumped air into her lungs. They didn't know when or if she would wake up, they didn't know if she would have brain damage if she did wake up. It just a waiting game now.

My mum had gotten onto Larry who was doing his best to get back within the next few days, until then we stayed by her side in the ICU, talking to her, letting her know she wasn't alone. Mum had let me stay at the hospital with her for a few days before making me go back to school.

"You can come by after school, I know you don't want to leave her but you can't miss anymore school Lucas" she says, squeezing my shoulder comfortingly.

I reluctantly leave, trudging into school, feeling completely miserable. I can feel everyone's eyes on me when I enter, whispers going through the halls. I ignore it and go to my locker, sullenly pulling out my books when I feel a hand on my back.

"Lucas" Haley's voice speaks softly, I turn around and she and Nathan are there, both looking incredibly sad and guilty. She exhales when she sees the look on my face, pulling me into a hug "We heard what happened"

"How is she?" Nathan speaks from the side.

I pull back, glaring at the both of them "You'd know if you bothered to turn up to the hospital"

"Luke, we didn't think we deserved to be there, we both feel awful about what happened. We should have done something" Nathan says

"Damn right you should have, we all should have! But we just stood there and let it happen and now she's fighting for her life" I yell, frustration and guilt bubbling up inside me

Haley grabs my arm, trying to calm me "I know, I know Lucas and we're so sorry… but she's going to make it through this, she's stronger than this"

"She's in a coma Hales" I sigh, running a hand through my hair "She…She wasn't breathing when I found her and her brain was deprived of oxygen" I try my best to supress the sob rising through my chest "They don't know if she's going to wake up"

Haley starts to cry, hugging me again as her tears soak into my shirt "I'm sorry Lucas, I'm so sorry" she whispers as her body shudders with sobs.

"It's my fault Hales, it's all my fault" I whimper, finally letting me feel what I had been keeping inside the last few days. She hushes me and holds me tighter, letting me cry into her shoulder.

"Lucas?" Brooke's raspy voice fills the air and I feel Haley tense. I pull away, too exhausted both physically and mentally to even bother glaring at Brooke who is standing there.

"Don't" I say, attempting to move past her.

"Lucas please" she begs, reaching out to me. I pull away as if she's burned me.

"Leave me alone Brooke"

"Lucas please just talk to me"

"I have nothing to say to you." I spit

"Lucas I-"

"She's in hospital because of you! Because of me, because she felt so low and worthless she thought she had no better option, because you made her feel that way! She could die and it's all your fault" I shout, walking off.

"I didn't force you to choose me Lucas!" She yells out, hurt and pain clear in her voice.

I ignore her shouts, trying to push away the overwhelming guilt I was feeling. She was right, this was just as much my fault as it was hers. And it was killing me.

….

Over the next few days the school rallies together after hearing about Peyton's suicide attempt. People leave flowers and cards at her locker. People she'd never even met sign a get-well card for me to take to the hospital.

She's no better, still being fed and kept alive by tubes and machines. Larry cries when he first sees her, his only child, his only family in a hospital bed because she'd tried to take her own life. Peyton mustn't have told him about what had been happening because he shakes my hand, thanking me for saving his little girl. If he only knew I was the reason she was in here in the first place.

Haley and Nathan visit soon after, both talking to Peyton and holding her hand, they tell her about the makeshift memorial set up at her locker, Haley crying as she talks to her comatose friend.

Mum manages to get Larry to go home for a shower and a nap for the first time in the three days since he arrived so it's just me and Peyton. I sit by her bed, holding her hand and watching the machines pump air into her, hoping that at any moment her hand will twitch or her eyelids will move.

"I brought some of _The Cure_ Peyton, I figured if anything was going to wake you up it would be this god-awful music you seem to love so much" I say, pulling out my IPod and placing it on the table next to her bed "The doctors said that there's no way of knowing if you can hear any of this but I know you can. You're strong, probably the strongest person I know."

"God I'm so sorry Peyt, I'm sorry for abandoning you, for ignoring your pain. For not being there when you needed someone the most. I'm so sorry" I break down, silent tears falling down my cheeks as I press a kiss to her hand "Please wake up, I'll spend every day making up my mistakes if you want. Or I'll leave you alone, if it's too hard. I'll do anything Peyton, please just wake up"

Part of him, the part that had seen too many movies, expected her eyes to magically start to flutter at the sound of his tearful confession. But she remained still, eyes remained shut. And Lucas Scott was left in a silent room, the only sound of the machines that were keeping her alive.


	7. Iris

Saturn

Chapter 7

(I don't own OTH)

 _Sorry for the long wait, I've had some health problems lately. Hopefully I will be able to update more now!_

… _._

Life eventually goes back to normal in the three weeks since Peyton's suicide attempt. She was still in a coma, a ventilator breathing for her but the doctors said her brain activity was fine, that it was up to her now.

Lucas still visits whenever he can, usually with flowers or a new cd from the music shop. Haley and Nathan visit more often too, bringing stuff to try and make Peyton's room look homier, a few posters, a couple of her band t-shirts, not wanting her to feel weirded out if, _when_ she woke up.

"Nathan proposed to Haley again, they're the only teens I've ever heard of to get engaged twice before graduation" Lucas said as he sat by her bed "Haley wants you to be a bridesmaid, says if you don't wake up soon she's going to pick out the ugliest bridesmaid dresses imaginable"

The hiss of the ventilator is his only response.

"And I heard The Cure were going to be touring nearby in a few months, I thought maybe when you're recovered we could go, even if I do think their music is depressing and whiny"

A chuckle from the door interrupts their one-sided conversation, Larry is standing by the door, dressed in his work clothes "If she was awake she'd probably have some snarky comment to say about now"

"Mr Sawyer, uh... hi" Lucas says, quickly up, letting go of Peyton's hand

"It's okay Lucas, and please, call me Larry" he says coming into the room "You've barely left her side the whole time she's been in there. It's good she has you"

Lucas's stomach twists, he wouldn't be saying that if he knew how badly he'd been treating his daughter the last few months. He sure as hell wouldn't be letting him hold her hand.

As if reading his thoughts, Larry sighs "I know what's been going on the last couple of months. Your mother filled me in"

He freezes, ready to apologise when Larry continues "I can't say that I'm happy, Peyton's suffered enough pain in her life, she didn't need you adding to it. But, I've seen the way you've been around her the last few weeks, you care about her. She's going to need that when she wakes up, especially if I'm not here"

Lucas frowns, "Not here?"

"I have to go back to work. My work's given me as much time as they can but I'm needed there. And I have to pay those medical bills somehow. I've talked it over with your mother, when Peyton wakes up she'll be staying with you. I trust that you'll look after her"

Lucas nods "I'll probably never let her out of my sight again after this" he says, laughing slightly

"Do you mind if I have a minute alone with her?" he asks, looking towards his daughter with a sad smile.

"Oh, of course not" he says, quickly squeezing Peyton's hand "I'll be back later" he says before leaving the room.

To his surprise Brooke is sitting outside in the waiting room, yellow sunflowers in her hands. His mind immediately thinks back to the girl in the hospital bed he just left and his overprotective side kicks in.

"Brooke? What are you doing here? If you going to start a fight I suggest you head in the other direction" he says, blocking her from the entrance to the ward Peyton was in.

She stands, holding up her hands in an act of defense "Luke, I'm not here to cause problems okay?"

He scoffs "It's a little late for that"

She glares at him "Where do you get off acting like I'm the only person who hurt her? This is on the both of us Lucas, no one ever forced you to do the things that you did"

"You're the reason she's in here!"

"We both are!" she shouts, lowering her voice when she remembered where she was "You think I don't know how awful I've been? I've been a monster to her, I know that. But I want to try and make things right, I have to try"

"Lucas" Larry's voice speaks from behind him, his eyes are red, a little wet but no one says anything "Let her go in"

"Larry, you don't know what she's d-" He began to protest

"This isn't about you or who did what. It's about my daughter, she's going to need all the friends she can get when she wakes up. I know you two are good kids, you won't let her down again" Larry says, turning back to Lucas "I gave you a second chance Lucas, Brooke deserves just as much. Besides, it's up to Peyton in the end"

Lucas hesitates for moment before reluctantly moving aside, allowing Brooke to pass. When she's gone Larry speaks again "Now, we need to have a talk about your relationship with my daughter"

….

The Cure is softly playing when Brooke enters her room, she has to hold back a sob when she sees all the tubes and wires connected to her former best friend and she takes note of all the flowers and balloons decorating her room.

"Hey P. Sawyer" she rasps as she gingerly places the sunflowers she'd bought on the table next to her "guess I'm the last person you thought would come visit you huh?"

The monitors beep in response and she almost laughs "Silent treatment huh? I guess I deserve that, deserve a lot worse actually"

She sits down, taking Peyton's frail hand "I don't even know how to begin telling you how sorry I am Peyton" she sighs heavily "There's no excuse, for anything that I did to you. And I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm not going anywhere okay? I'm going to be here, telling you how sorry I am until you have to forgive me"

She laughs tearfully, wiping under her eyes with her free hand "And If you can hear me, you have to wake up soon. Your dad, he's a mess and Lucas… he is not rocking the depressed loner look. So, you need to open those pretty eyes of yours and get your skinny ass out of this bed"

Brushing back some of the curly hair from Peyton's face, noticing how cracked her lips were around the ventilation tube taped across her mouth. She releases Peyton's hand, fumbling in her bag for a moment before pulling a small tube with an "Aha"

"I know you're not a fan of peach lip-gloss but it's just gonna have to do" she mutters as she twists the tube, holding it up to Peyton's mouth and dabbing it gently "There, beautiful as always"

…..

Brooke comes the next day, and the day after that, each time bringing flowers or balloons until it looks like a shop has opened in Peyton's room. Haley joins her one time, they have a girl day, painting each other's nails and gossiping. They're in the middle of talking wedding plans when Peyton's finger moves slightly, so little that Haley barely notices it.

Her eyes shoot to Brooke "Did you see that?"

Brooke frowns "See what?"

"Her finger… it-it moved" Haley says, taking Peyton's hand "Peyt? Can you hear me? Can you squeeze my hand?"

It's the slightest movement, just a finger slightly brushing against hers but it's enough for her to shoot up and look carefully at Peyton's face. Her eyes are starting to move under her eyelids, her eyelashes flickering slightly.

"She's waking up! Brooke go get the doctor!" she shouts "And call Lucas!" she adds as the brunette rushes from the room.

She only just gets a glimpse of the familiar green irises before the room is swarmed by doctors and nurses and she's pushed out.


End file.
